Realizing Diasporic Filipino/a/x Migratory Grief (Part 2)

An excerpt from “Realizing Diasporic Filipino/a/x Migratory Grief” originally published by Kasamahan on February 24, 2025.

What are the ways you support migrants and those who are experiencing migratory grief through your work or the therapy you provide?

Pagkwentuhan, or storytelling, with kapwa and pakikiramdam at its core, has been a powerful tool in supporting my clients through their migratory grief. Kapwa is the understanding that the self is not entirely separate from others. It's a sacred connectedness. Pakikiramdam can be understood as empathy or deep attunement to navigate social harmony and sense unspoken emotions. Pagkwentuhan embodying the core values of kapwa and pakikiramdam often looks like a gentle conversation—an invitation to explore how they experience their world. What meaning do they assign to their journey? What unspoken narratives have shaped their identity? Deep empathy and attunement are often missing in the lives of immigrants, as much of their existence revolves around their ability to provide. In our sessions, they are being cared for by a familiar face. They receive a momentary pause from urgency, a space where their worth is not tied to productivity but to their inherent value as a person.

Another way I support my clients is by creating opportunities for identity stabilization. Migration can make identity feel fragmented—caught between expectations from home and the demands of their new reality. Through pagkwentuhan, clients begin to reclaim their personal narratives. At times, I incorporate structured exercises like the “Wheel of Life” or “Ikigai,” helping clients reflect on who they are beyond survival and responsibility. We explore cultural anchoring, identifying traditions, language, or rituals that help them feel rooted even in unfamiliar spaces. We also address role fluidity—the tension between being a provider, a caregiver, an achiever, and the need to simply exist as themselves. Many struggle with the weight of external validation, so we work on separating their self-worth from societal and familial expectations, allowing them to define success on their terms.

 I also integrate Narrative Therapy and Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy into my approach. For many migrants, identity is shaped by inherited narratives—stories of sacrifice that become both a source of pride and an unseen tether, pulling them toward expectations they never set for themselves. We work on reframing these stories, shifting from survival to resilience, from obligation to agency. Additionally, many face attachment wounds—the pain of separation from loved ones, the loss of community, the disconnection from a sense of belonging. I help clients identify how these disrupted attachments influence their emotions and relationships, guiding them toward emotion regulation and self-compassion. Migrants are often conditioned to suppress emotions to “stay strong.” In our sessions, they learn that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s a step toward healing.

 Through this work, my clients begin to see that migratory grief doesn’t have to define them. They are more than their sacrifices and the sacrifices of their family. They are more than their ability to endure. They are whole, evolving, and deserving of care.

What may others do to support themselves or others through immigration or to prevent or manage migratory grief?

Supporting oneself or others through the emotional challenges of immigration requires more than just practical assistance; it demands a heartfelt connection and understanding. Immigrants often find themselves flooded in the never-ending pursuit of survival and provision, leaving little room to acknowledge their own pain and loss.

 Engaging in pagkwentuhan can serve as a therapeutic avenue for expressing and processing these complex emotions. However, cultural nuances, like hiya (a profound sense of propriety and decency, sometimes understood as shame) may lead individuals to downplay their hardships to avoid burdening others. This tendency is noted by psychotherapist Roanne de Guia-Samuels, who observes that many Filipinos may repeatedly refuse to admit hardship before openly acknowledging it.

 To navigate this, loved ones and community members can offer persistent, gentle curiosity. By asking about an immigrant's life before migration and genuinely asking how they are coping, supporters can create a safe space for sharing. This consistent, compassionate engagement can help pierce the veil of hiya, showing a sincere willingness to share in the emotional burden and fostering a deeper connection.

 Beyond individual support, communal spaces dedicated to shared healing can be transformative. My work includes facilitating culturally nuanced support groups where immigrants, and children of immigrants, can gather in a space of deep understanding. These groups honour both the silent and spoken grief of migration, allowing individuals to reconnect with parts of themselves that may have been buried under the weight of survival. Here, the goal is not just to process grief but to rebuild a sense of home and belonging—on your own terms, among others who truly understand.

 In essence, the journey through migratory grief is not one to be walked alone. Through empathetic dialogue and unwavering support, immigrants and their communities can find healing and resilience together.

Do you have anything else you would like to share?

Migratory grief is a quiet weight, carried in ways that aren’t always seen or understood. It lingers in the spaces between longing and survival, between the life left behind and the one still being built. But grief, when named and held with care, can transform. Healing is not about choosing between where you came from and where you are. It’s about carrying both—letting memory and movement coexist. Your grief is real, but so is your right to joy, to belonging, to rest. If you’re ready, let’s begin that journey together. It means finding refuge in community, in storytelling, in the small moments of being truly seen. Through my work, I offer spaces where this grief is acknowledged, where the weight is shared, and where immigrants can begin to reclaim a sense of self beyond survival. If these words feel familiar, you are not alone. Your grief is real, and so is your right to healing. Whether through community, conversation, or quiet reflection, there is space for your story to unfold. Let’s begin that journey together.

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If this resonates with you, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I offer individual counselling, group support, and consultation to help diasporic Filipinos find home and healing. Reach out to start the conversation.